I think i peed on brittanys purse
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize