it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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