so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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