Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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