and you said cock pushups were impossible
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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