my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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