so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
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I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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