I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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