If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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