turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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