whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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