I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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