Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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