so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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