im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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