Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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