So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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