I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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