He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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