you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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