My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Less talking, more tequila
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well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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