Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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