I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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