I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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