you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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