I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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