my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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