I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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