Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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