batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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