i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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