Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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