Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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