no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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