You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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