My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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