I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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