First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize