Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do vagina's smell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize