tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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