All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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