My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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