I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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