How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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