she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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