if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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