Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize