this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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