Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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