Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I just went to clothing optional bar
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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